Your partner has abruptly lost all interest about sex. Or maybe she or he always possessed a decreased sex drive, yet lately, this gap became more pronounced. As your partner isn’t sexually responsive, it’s simple to assume the worst of the situation. If frequency has suddenly deviated from previous levels or your sex drives are drastically different, you might wish to have an honest conversation concerning what’s leading to her or his loss of sexual desire. A few probable reasons for loss of sexual intimacy:

Loss of non-sexual intimacy

Particularly for women, emotional intimacy is oftentimes closely related to sexual intimacy—if there’s emotional disconnect or excessive conflict in a relationship, women might shut down sexually. A male’s sex drive could additionally become impacted by similar situations—if the man feels frequently under-appreciated or antagonised, he might pull away sexually. One great rule of thumb: the stronger the relationship is in its entirety, the better your opportunities for a content sex life.

Exhaustion or stress

Emotional and physical exhaustion from an active lifestyle—from child care, work, insomnia or additional factors—could drain women and men. To an extent that you’re able to assist your partner in coping with her or his stressors- by being supportive or assuming extra work on your end—your partner will likely to rebound more rapidly and possess more sexual energy.

Issues with body image

Feeling desirable physically assists in reducing inhibitions and will make sex more appealing. Pregnancy, aging and weight gain could impact one’s self-image. For ladies, flattering lingerie and dim lighting could help. However, women and men could feel self-conscious concerning their looks. Make certain to compliment your spouse’s appearance in non-sexual and sexual contexts.

Loss of non-sexual affection

As affection is solely demonstrated within the context of sex, ladies especially may feel used. Infuse the relationship with an abundance of affection aside from sex or foreplay. Nonsexual massages, kisses and casual hugs could assist in bringing you closer together.

Sexual performance issues or poor sexual technique

Unfortunately, if you are not bringing that “A game” with you to the bedroom regularly, it’ll likely diminish your spouse’s enthusiasm for sex. For ladies, orgasms are oftentimes hard to reach via intercourse alone—if needed, discover alternate ways of making certain she attains one.

Premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction are additionally common, yet manageable, obstacles in accomplishing mutually content sex. As “how-to” advice on sexual conduct abound, oftentimes the ideal method of making certain your partner is satisfied is to just ask what does—and does not—feel good. It may be awkward to talk about and might leave you feeling exposed, yet it’s the surest road to clarifying what isn’t and what is working.

There’s no one-size-fits-all determination for a loss of sexual desire, and no exact remedy. The ideal solution for deciding what might be affecting your spouse’s sexual desire will be to communicate about what factors she or he believes might be at work … as well as what you could do to assist in making sex more desirable for the both of you. If you cannot get to the root of the relationship intimacy issues on your own, employ the assistance of a professional counsellor.

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Cracking the CODE for Emotionally Healthy Relationships

If the intimacy is fading in your relationship, Australia Counselling has relationship and marriage counsellors in Perth, Adelaide, Sydney, Melbourne, Canberra and Brisbane. If you’re wanting to improve your relationship, visit our relationship and/or marriage counsellors page, to find a relationship or marriage counsellor in your local area.