Breakups happen to almost anyone who has once tried out a relationship. Whether young or old, it can be challenging to Go through the lonely episode after a heartbreak. How do you maintain your sanity, and at what time will you get over the sore feeling of having to live through such a heart-wrenching feeling? As you read along, you will come to terms with the fact that such consistency is temporal, and with time, you will get over it.
Break-up, heartbreak, heartache, no matter the words used in describing it, can be tough no matter the victim or circumstances. The feeling is entirely subjective, as everyone feels different when going through a breakup. While it is human to feel disappointed, a little sad, depressed and stupid, it is not relatively easy to get over. As the saying goes, “it happens to the best of us.”
On the eve of a breakup, some people experience a wide variety of feelings like exhaustion, disappointment, sadness; some even feel relieved to have gotten out of a toxic relationship. In most cases, though, people tend to feel confused. I was wondering and asking myself, what went wrong?
A jilted partner sometimes feels as though their world is slowly becoming a tumbling wreck, and it might seem for some as though the world has left them behind and that they can never find what true love or real happiness means again.
While threading the engulfing loneliness occasioned by heartbreak, some partners might feel tempted to try and power their way through getting over a breakup, you know, getting over it as quick as possible. However, it takes more time than expected, and it depends on how individuals handle their feelings. Sometimes, the timeframe of such a relationship might be a determinant to getting over such a relationship.
However heart-wrenching a breakup experience can be, there is no need to worry; nothing lasts forever, you will get through it in time. Healing is a process; it takes time and requires work. Here, we will take a cursory look at what might influence the recovery time frame, how to get a grip of your life after a breakup, and steps to take while moving on.
Estimating the Time Frame
While some experts have outlines theories about the timeframe required in getting over a breakup, the plain reality is that recovery does not always have a time frame.
Some have opined that it takes most of three months’ post-breakup to recover from heartbreak. At the same time, some relationship experts will suggest that you only need to find your foot and take some time to yourself, watch some Rom-coms and sit-coms for some number of days sitting on your couch with a bowl of popcorn and crying out the pain.
It is not as simple as that, as feelings are subjective. What works for A might not, in the true sense, work for B. Once you find yourself at the top end of some pints of the mint of bear and chunks of brownie, you might realize that you start picking up some worse habits like neglecting works, ignoring friends, putting phone calls straight to voicemail, and generally experiencing degenerating hygiene and low self-care.
Authors of scientific research have also tried their bit in estimating the time frame for healing after a breakup. Some have an estimated timeframe of 11 weeks for a split within the past six months. At the same time, some have tried to evaluate the level of distress experienced by victims over a particular period. As the distress level declined over an aggregated period of 2 weeks, their overall distress level declined steadily over several weeks as predicted.
However, what the participants of such research failed to consider was how much distress they experienced instead of what the results suggested. There can be no adequate measurement for the level of pain a person experienced from heartbreak compared to other persons who were heartbroken in a different circumstance might experience. Scientists can only work with averages. And there is no adequate average when dealing with an aggregate of human emotions. There is a saying that states, “he’ll know no fury like a woman scorned,” yet some people espouses the tenet that; “true happiness lies in seeing that person you love happy, even when it hurts you.”
There are no facts on the timeframe involved in getting over a breakup. There are only speculations and assumptions. While you might start feeling better after a couple of weeks, it could also take another person in your shoes a whole of 12 weeks to start feeling a lot better. It all depends on the circumstances of your breakup and other accompanying factors.
How much time and energy you invested
When you think about how committed you were in the relationship, how much time you’ve invested, and how much you’ve come to enjoy your partner’s company over time, it might be a bit more difficult getting over such a relationship.
“Imagine going from a 5-year relationship to ‘hello, can you tell me more about yourself?’”
Moving on from a long-term relationship can take more time than getting over a short-term relationship. Getting to know someone intimately, sharing your secrets, your life, making various memories together only to suddenly become strangers can be tough to get over.
Cheating and betrayal
A relationship that came to an abrupt end due to infidelity, adultery, or betrayal of trust can have a long-term debilitating effect on the victim. Most people in this situation tend to develop trust issues and seem more withdrawn from people when sharing sensitive information about themselves. That makes it more difficult to move on or trust another person when it comes to dating. It can even lead to depression if adequate care is not taken. Infidelity plays a dangerous game on the mental health of its victims. It sometimes results in low self-esteem.
How to get over a breakup
Give Yourself time to grieve.
Grieving is not the same for everyone. As someone who just went through a breakup, you need to take some time and space to grieve. It is okay to feel all the pain and sadness. Cry if you want to, scream if you feel like it.
Doing this will give you time to expend the emotions out of your body. You might also come to terms with friends who have gone through similar pain. Then you realize that it all comes down to you and how you want your life to be defined by sadness or making new memories.
Self-Care is Important
While going through heartbreak, it is easy to lose touch with yourself and neglect your hygiene. You tend to pull your hair out and go days just lying on your couch. Sometimes, even bathing becomes a problem.
Meditation, mind exercise, and staying busy can be effective ways to preserve your energy. Do some exercises, and teaching yourself new skills. Just don’t beat yourself over it, and take it one day at a time. Eventually, it will all make sense.
Do not Shut People Out.
Going out is one of the best ways to have a good experience with people. While going through a breakup, do not shut people out. Talk to a friend about your needs, go outdoor, have good experiences, and feel good about yourself and what you do. It might take time to adjust to your new reality, but this can help your healing process.
Avoid drugs and alcohol.
It is essential to try as much as possible to avoid drinking and using drugs to suppress the pain. Healing is a process; allow it to come naturally. Embrace the pain and go through it as best as you can. Drugs and alcohol only suppress the sore feeling for a while, after which you find yourself feeling worse. Take the time to experience the process as naturally as you can.
There is no actual time to know when you are really over a heartbreak. However, some tell-tale signs signify you are ready to let go and move on. Like when you find yourself thinking about the good times you’ve had with your ex more often than the bad, you find yourself getting more involved in shared activities and going out with friends. You might even find yourself considering the possibility of trusting someone and dating again.
No one, not even experts, can give a specific timeline for getting over a breakup. Healing is a process that will take as long as it requires. Please don’t beat yourself up about it; give it time; you might recover sooner than you think.
However, you can see a therapist for guidance if you feel you are undergoing too much stress or overwhelming emotions.