How do you know if you’re gay?

This is a question that's not easily answered. Human sexuality is a complex and fascinating phenomena that cannot be broken down into a simple black-or-white answer. Human sexuality is also very fluid and can change from person-to-person throughout a lifetime. However, there are some indications that may help you determine if you identify as gay.

The research of Dr Alred Kinsey in the 1960's suggested that up to 10% of the population is homosexual. However, the findings are not as absolute, and Kinsey himself avoided and disapproved of using terms like homosexual or heterosexual to describe individuals, asserting that sexuality is prone to change over time, and that sexual behavior can be understood both as physical contact as well as purely psychological phenomena (desire, sexual attraction, fantasy).

If you're wondering if you are gay, here are some of the signals to be on the lookout for:

• You may be gay if you’re attracted predominantly (sexually and/or romantically) toward the same sex, that is, a man is attracted to men, a woman is attracted to women.
• You’re possibly gay if your sexual fantasies are typically concerning the same sex. Have you attempted to fantasize concerning the opposite sex?
• You may be gay if you’re only sexually attracted to individuals of the exact same sex. If you’re a teen, you ought to make certain that it’s a long lasting and serious attraction.
• You are possibly gay if you typically fantasize concerning the same sex as you masturbate, and it’s been going on for a long time, and you do not or will not or cannot fantasize concerning the opposite sex.
• Having sexual intercourse of some kind with the opposite or same sex just one or two times does not make you straight or gay. It’s usual for teens to experiment with sexual intercourse. What will matter is how you feel within the long term.

The important thing to remember is there are many variations of sexuality and some people even change their attraction/sexuality throughout their lifetime. This phenomena tends to be more prevalent in women than men.

Tips for coming out

Professionals state that around 1/3 of gay teens will eventually attempt suicide, that’s 4 times the median of heterosexual teens. A stronger sense of self and maturity could make it simpler to come out of the closet as an adult, yet how it will go depends on religious tolerances and beliefs already created amongst friends and family. Here are a few tips to make your coming out gay slightly easier:

1. Don’t put yourself upon a deadline for coming out of the closet. A few gay partners who are already out might pressure you, yet wait until you’re actually ready.

2. Begin with friends prior to your family. Your real friends will like your honesty and become touched that you were wanting to share with them. Those who make fun of you eventually will come around and the ones who do not were never truly your friends to start with.

3. Giving the news via a third party will be a poor idea. Your family wants to directly hear it from your mouth and will resent discovering it from elsewhere.

4. Do not come out in a defensive or angry tone. It can create conflict in which nobody is actually listening.

5. Permit loved ones an opportunity to absorb this revelation prior to predicting the worst. If you possessed a great relationship with your parents before you came out, they’ll potentially accept it. It may be instant or it may take a bit of time. Be patient.

Additional tips

1. Do not bring along your partner to family get-togethers and present her or him as only a friend because later on, as you do come out of the closet, everybody will feel that you lied about your gay relationship. It’ll be best to avoid that type of situation.

2. Don’t be shocked if one parent, particularly your mother, states she knew about it already. Mothers watch for signals and no matter how many dances you go to with the opposite sex.

Related articles:

Gay Relationship Communication: 4 Simple Steps

Homophobia: Who Really Gets Hurt?

Gay Australia: A Fact Sheet

If you're struggling with your sexuality or coming out, then you may benefit from the help of a trained counsellor or psychologist to get support for this challenging process. Australia Counselling has counsellors and psychologists in Perth, Adelaide, Melbourne, Sydney, Canberra, Brisbane and country areas of Australia. Search under Gay and Lesbian Counselling for a counsellor that works with sexuality and gay and lesbian persons in a location near you.